Keeping the Sabbath Wholly

My friend Elli highly recommended a book for me to read, Keeping the Sabbath Wholly, after hearing how busy, and consequently chaotic, my life has been lately.

Now my first reaction to getting the book was, "I already have no time and now I need to devote a day to doing nothing? This isn't going to work. I need to go, go, go..."

Elli also writes a blog (which you should read:)) where she talks about her and her husband, Caleb's, attempts to have a sabbath day each week. I figured Caleb is in med school so if he's keeping a sabbath with that chaos I could at least give it a try.

Well yesterday was the day Jeremy and I dubbed our Sabbath of this week. Saturdays are great because we are recovering from a chaotic week. We already take the mornings slow, go to Starbucks and sometimes Chipotle with Luna, watch shows, etc. Usually in the afternoon we attempt a project, cook,  clean, do some work while watching TV and then sometimes hang out with friends or family.

In attempts to create a day that was full of rest and rejuvenation, we cut out housework and work. We did our regular Starbucks, shopped for our fence materials, I bought two pairs of adorable shoes(!), cooked, etc. Ok so our sabbath was pretty expensive but that's another lesson to be learned.

And it was AMAZING.

There was no, "We really should be..." or "Yeah in 5 minutes, I just have to finish this email..." conversations. We were fully present, fully relaxed, and fully enjoying ourselves and our time with each other.

This morning, instead of waking up to half-finished projects around the house I woke up to one big project. I've pretty much stayed focused today, tackling some organizing before church, after church we did our grocery shopping and cleaning, Jeremy is currently putting up the fence and I am finishing work emails and distracting myself from working by writing this blog post ;).

My biggest takeaways of this practice so far is:

1) God has commanded us to have a sabbath and yet we willfully choose to disobey him and not take one. This needs to change for all of us who are Christians who don't already participate. For Jeremy and I the change started yesterday.

2) Having a day of true rest is good for me in every way. I feel rejuvenated and ready to go for the week. I thought I'd feel stressed out and behind, but I don't. Now I can focus on work on Sundays instead of trying to do 1/2 work and 1/2 fun.

3) I am learning to say no. Sunday is my work day now and I can't fit everything in that I'd usually like to, especially with church taking up 1/2 of it. But that's ok and it's the necessary sacrifice to balance it all and keep the sabbath holy.

With love from Roseville,

Paige

Bad Habit

I've got this bad habit that I kind of love. 

1) I really enjoy hosting. I've always looked forward to having a home to decorate, work on (which, let's be honest, Jeremy does most of the work) and fill with people. I like when people leave stuffed and 10 pounds heavier because of an ample amount of delicious food. I love having our house be a place where people are comfortable.

2) I also really love having a clean house. Not normal clean... like I-could-lick-the-ground clean. I like fresh food, fresh meals, fresh flowers, everything to be de-cobwebbed, Chlorox wiped, not-a-dog-hair anywhere clean.

3) I also really like my job. And I want to keep my job, so I have to work lots of hours like most people who have a full time+ job.

4) I also really like to relax. To watch TV show after TV show and have zero guilt because I've truly relaxed after a long day, hanging out with Luna and Jeremy.

So I've got this bad habit that I kind of really love.

I want a ridiculously clean house, amazing food, and a "finished" feel anytime someone comes over. But there are time constraints, reality and relaxing that are a part of life.

Last weekend after being at a conference in Vegas I flew to San Diego and stayed at the Grand Del Mar, a super fancy hotel in, you guessed it, Del Mar, with Jeremy for a conference he was working. The place was immaculate. Everything was rich people colors, gold and dark wood and floral print couches. There were service people everywhere who opened doors and they even served ketchup in a fancy dish.

And although the place was beautiful, I felt out of place. I felt stared at and judged and cheap. I felt like my shoes weren't designer enough and that I didn't do my hair well enough. I felt poor. I felt fat. I felt uncomfortable in this place that is made with the only intention of it's guests having comfort.

And that, my friends, is my problem. I want people to come to my house and see the Grand Del Mar version. I want my laundry to be folded and my windows to be washed (which never happens, let's be honest). But people don't want the Grand Del Mar version. That version, although designed to be for comfort, makes us uncomfortable because it's NOT REAL.

Now of course we should still prepare for guests. We should be thoughtful and considerate. But is my true intention to make people impressed with me or to welcome them??

You see, I've got this bad habit of wanting to make people impressed with me. And I hate that I love it. I hate that I need it.

I've got this bad habit that I'm trying to break. To learn how to welcome people regardless of how that reflects on my material possessions.

With love from Roseville,

Paige

Driving in squares

This is a bit of a repeat post but I have been so aware of this idea of " coming to terms with change" lately I can't help but write about it again.

I am not good with directions.

You see, growing up with a mother who (sorry mom) is bad at directions, I thought I was pretty good. But my job has me in my car from 8-5 and I can barely make it to the grocery store without my GPS, let alone any of my offices. And sometimes the GPS confuses me and I get lost (last night. twice. downtown. I HATE DRIVING DOWNTOWN.).

I have finally become aware of this and don't push back on it anymore. I suck at directions. I'm overly confident in my abilities to get from point A to point B and that oftentimes leads me to not listen to directions thoroughly, take proper notes, and my "winging it" rarely pays off.

I have known this for some time now, but I've resisted accepting it. Maybe it's one of those "I'm not my mother" syndromes we all suffer from (once again, sorry mom) or a pride thing. But last night as I was making squares downtown on one way streets trying to find the freeway (did I mention I HATE DRIVING DOWNTOWN?) while I say sarcastic remarks to my GPS, I decided to embrace it:

I am not good with directions. And I am my mother.

One more to share:

I am not good at "giving things to God."

I was talking to my wonderful friend Lauren via text about life and decisions and she remarked that she has to constantly give her life and decisions back to God, every day, because she wants to take back the control of it all.

Well Lauren is one smart cookie and someone who's opinion and spiritual advice I've always appreciated, so today I thought I'd give it a try giving my woes to the Lord.

A 15 minute out loud-in-my-car-conversation-to-God later, I somehow came to the terrible conclusion that "I've got this" and "that's great for Lauren." Ugh.

Repeat: I'm not good at "giving things to God."

Something that I like about identifying what I'm not good at is that I realize my weaknesses and I don't resist them anymore. I embrace these things I'm terrible at and then I can consciously make an effort to be better. Otherwise I'm in denial not working on them at all.

So good luck lowering your pride and realizing that you just aren't good some things, even if you once thought you were. It's humbling and has ended up making me more self-assured and at peace with who I truly am.

With love from Roseville,

Paige

Love Letter

Kalie posted a really awesome blog post with links to some great blog posts she's read lately.

I think you should read all of them :)

In addition, one of the bloggers also posted this love letter that was beautiful and is my prayer for you and me today.

With love from Roseville,

Paige

Hi, I'm Luna.

Hi, I'm Luna. 

I don't really know my name because my parents have a million nicknames for me: Wuna, Wubbers, Wubbers McWubberson, Lubbas, Lune, Lunie, Lunie Tunes... you get the point. 

I'm half Golden Retriever and half Lab. 

I turned 3 on July 26th but my parents didn't know that was my birthday until recently when they decided to actually read my adoption papers.

Here are these parents. They take lots of pictures of me.

Especially this lady.

When they're at work I sleep in the laundry room... to be specific I sleep on the washer and dryer. They don't know how I like sleeping here or how I jump up here.

My favorite thing to do is run in the creek behind our house! Sometimes when I'm being naughty I go jump in the water on my own.

Scratch that. My favorite thing is to go to Starbucks on Saturday mornings and get a treat from Nan who rolls up about 10am.

When the back of the truck is down, or the door of a car is open, I jump in and refuse to get out.

 I love going for rides.

When we do go for rides I can't stand to be in the back seat so I try to get as close as possible.

In the morning my parents will find me like this, wagging my tail, ready to be pet for as long as possible.

Aren't I a cutie?!

Thoughts on Change

"We're not going to be connected like we used to be. We won't hang out like we used to. And I definitely won't be available as I used to. But that doesn't change how I feel about you. That doesn't change how I care about you. And that doesn't change how much I would enjoy being around you. It is what it is. It's full time career, marriage, a house and a dog. It's a new season of life. It's change."

I feel like this should be stamped on my forehead so everyone I encounter can get a disclaimer of how I feel these days.

Change is good and bad. There are moments of change that are exhilarating and moments that are exhausting. I find myself often saying "I'm busy" to describe how I'm doing when in all actuality I should really be saying "I'm different." Now don't get me wrong, I am busy. Busier than I've ever been. But what I really am trying to convey in my passive way is that I am a different person now, a busy person.

I have found myself getting confused lately. In high school I would have described myself as being highly adaptable and great at change. I probably would have said the same in college. But with marriage and moving so many times I have found something that used to be true in my life to be one of my biggest weaknesses: I am terrible with change. I am overly emotional in every way. I get easily stressed out. I quit. I cry. I am no good at it.

It's so interesting to look at yourself a different way. To take something that used to define you and erase it off of your list of qualities. But isn't that so necessary to not get stuck in the past??

We all are going to change. Sometimes it will be marked by a move, job or decision in life. But many times it will be a slow and steady progression. What I'm trying to learn is that it's ok. It's ok that I am a different person now than a few years ago. It's ok that I will be a different person in a few years, or months even. And it's ok that everyone else will be changing as well.

We all will need to adjust with each other. To let the other person be who they are, even if that's different from who they were.

I say all of this because I often have guilt because I've changed. I feel like I need to buffer the "new me" for those who knew the "old me." But that's a lot of effort and it makes me tired. So I decided I need to let it go and just be.

Here are some other ways I notice I've changed:
- Can not tolerate scary movies/shows/stories/anything
- Willing to talk to strangers/converse, even if it's an awkward conversation (to understand you must know every day I have an hour+ lunch, usually with people I've never met before. Let's imagine some scenarios now...)
- Angry driver (usually because I'm ALWAYS late)
- Don't care about eating foods that make me sick anymore. No allure because I know I'll feel sick (ie. milk, yogurt, anything with a sugar base)
- More into clothes/outfits/hair. And occasionally I paint my finger nails- whaaaat!?
- I'm quicker to gossip. Lost a good filter I used to have.
- Much more understanding of different lifestyles. Less judgmental on how people "should" live.
- My favorite ice cream is Caramel Latte (coffee+caramel) from Safeway. Yes, you can bring me a carton. Or four.

With love from Roseville,
Paige

Tribute

My friend Anna wrote the most beautiful tribute to the most beautiful little boy, Darlens, she cared for as her own in Haiti. Darlens recently passed away at the age of 3.

I'm encouraged by her love and faith through this hard time.

"I was lying in bed late at night, with one of the kids in my care sleeping next to me, as his crib and the extra child’s mattress in my room had two kids on IV and oxygen sleeping in them.  I had just come back from preparing a little girl for burial, and wanted to try to sleep for a couple hours.  It’s not often that I find myself getting emotional about sick or dying kids anymore, but this night was overwhelmingly tough.  I found myself closing my eyes trying to hold back the tears, praying that these kids’ suffering would just end.  I felt small hands grab onto my neck and shoulders as a child pulled his body closer to mine.  He put his hands on my cheeks and touched his nose to mine, holding himself there until we dozed off.  This is one of many memories that I have of an amazing little boy named Darlens."

To read the rest click HERE.

With love from Roseville,
Paige