Hide 'n' Seek = Hide 'n' Freak

Right now I'm in our Panera hanging out with Jeremy.

He's working his butt off, scribbling and typing and searching while probably knowing all the while I'm inevitably on the other side of the computer screen clicking around on Facebook, wedding websites (I'm still obsessed) or posting yet another blog post.

Yup, here I am. :)

I don't come with anything to convince you of today. Sigh of relief?

Or a really funny story. Sigh of sadness?

Just compelled by the feeling right now to chronicle a happy, simple moment. Of looking at my handsome man in his periwinkle blue scrubs, listening to old people talking around me, making awkward eye contact with that guy... (oops) and mustering up the focus to get back to searching online for job openings.

If no one has mentioned to you or not, marriage is hard. Now I don't think my marriage is particularly harder than any others and this isn't a 911 call. But you get two people with a forever bond, bills, life decisions, shopping habits and TV show options and you are bound to create a sort of chaos at times.

Not to mention sleeping within 1 foot of each other. I'm still surprised this is a normal trend. Why did no one suggest the king sized bed?! All you veteran married people, I blame you a little for our queen purchase!

Anyways, I was reading "Bittersweet" by, you guessed it, Shauna Niequest the other day and she has an ode to brides. Wow, it was GOOD! One of those things that before marriage I would have read it and moved on. But now that I'm in marriage I understand why she wrote it and how rich those words are.

One of my favorite parts of the chapter, besides "Don't listen to everyone's advice, even mine" (so necessary), was the part about the first 6 months of marriage you'll be wanting your spouse to ask you for their forgiveness and the second 6 months you'll be asking them for forgiveness.

How true is this?! Sending a big HOLLER to the 4 of you I know that are in year 1 still.

I've often felt a little crazy these last few months and I've realized one of my key reasons: I can't hide.

I can't hide when I'm emotional because, guess what, he lives here too.

I can't hide when I make an awful meal because, guess what, he eats it too.

I can't hide when I am jealous of a friend because, guess what, he can tell!

I can't hide when I am being crazy because, guess what, he's not an idiot.

Errr... can someone say perfectionist?

So much of this reminds me of my relationship with the Lord. How I try to fix everything I have going wrong before I come to him, forgetting that I can't hide.

That he doesn't want perfect me. He wants me, who is imperfect.

And I usually find where I grow the most in both relationships is when I work out my mess with the other person by my side, helping me see clarity where I see mud, and practicing grace and forgiveness with one big broken me.

So that's that, folks. Hide 'n' Seak turns into Hide 'n' Freak.

[Insert the "Let go and let God" corny but true phrase here]

With love from Panera,

Paige