Driving in squares

This is a bit of a repeat post but I have been so aware of this idea of " coming to terms with change" lately I can't help but write about it again.

I am not good with directions.

You see, growing up with a mother who (sorry mom) is bad at directions, I thought I was pretty good. But my job has me in my car from 8-5 and I can barely make it to the grocery store without my GPS, let alone any of my offices. And sometimes the GPS confuses me and I get lost (last night. twice. downtown. I HATE DRIVING DOWNTOWN.).

I have finally become aware of this and don't push back on it anymore. I suck at directions. I'm overly confident in my abilities to get from point A to point B and that oftentimes leads me to not listen to directions thoroughly, take proper notes, and my "winging it" rarely pays off.

I have known this for some time now, but I've resisted accepting it. Maybe it's one of those "I'm not my mother" syndromes we all suffer from (once again, sorry mom) or a pride thing. But last night as I was making squares downtown on one way streets trying to find the freeway (did I mention I HATE DRIVING DOWNTOWN?) while I say sarcastic remarks to my GPS, I decided to embrace it:

I am not good with directions. And I am my mother.

One more to share:

I am not good at "giving things to God."

I was talking to my wonderful friend Lauren via text about life and decisions and she remarked that she has to constantly give her life and decisions back to God, every day, because she wants to take back the control of it all.

Well Lauren is one smart cookie and someone who's opinion and spiritual advice I've always appreciated, so today I thought I'd give it a try giving my woes to the Lord.

A 15 minute out loud-in-my-car-conversation-to-God later, I somehow came to the terrible conclusion that "I've got this" and "that's great for Lauren." Ugh.

Repeat: I'm not good at "giving things to God."

Something that I like about identifying what I'm not good at is that I realize my weaknesses and I don't resist them anymore. I embrace these things I'm terrible at and then I can consciously make an effort to be better. Otherwise I'm in denial not working on them at all.

So good luck lowering your pride and realizing that you just aren't good some things, even if you once thought you were. It's humbling and has ended up making me more self-assured and at peace with who I truly am.

With love from Roseville,

Paige

Love Letter

Kalie posted a really awesome blog post with links to some great blog posts she's read lately.

I think you should read all of them :)

In addition, one of the bloggers also posted this love letter that was beautiful and is my prayer for you and me today.

With love from Roseville,

Paige

Hi, I'm Luna.

Hi, I'm Luna. 

I don't really know my name because my parents have a million nicknames for me: Wuna, Wubbers, Wubbers McWubberson, Lubbas, Lune, Lunie, Lunie Tunes... you get the point. 

I'm half Golden Retriever and half Lab. 

I turned 3 on July 26th but my parents didn't know that was my birthday until recently when they decided to actually read my adoption papers.

Here are these parents. They take lots of pictures of me.

Especially this lady.

When they're at work I sleep in the laundry room... to be specific I sleep on the washer and dryer. They don't know how I like sleeping here or how I jump up here.

My favorite thing to do is run in the creek behind our house! Sometimes when I'm being naughty I go jump in the water on my own.

Scratch that. My favorite thing is to go to Starbucks on Saturday mornings and get a treat from Nan who rolls up about 10am.

When the back of the truck is down, or the door of a car is open, I jump in and refuse to get out.

 I love going for rides.

When we do go for rides I can't stand to be in the back seat so I try to get as close as possible.

In the morning my parents will find me like this, wagging my tail, ready to be pet for as long as possible.

Aren't I a cutie?!

Thoughts on Change

"We're not going to be connected like we used to be. We won't hang out like we used to. And I definitely won't be available as I used to. But that doesn't change how I feel about you. That doesn't change how I care about you. And that doesn't change how much I would enjoy being around you. It is what it is. It's full time career, marriage, a house and a dog. It's a new season of life. It's change."

I feel like this should be stamped on my forehead so everyone I encounter can get a disclaimer of how I feel these days.

Change is good and bad. There are moments of change that are exhilarating and moments that are exhausting. I find myself often saying "I'm busy" to describe how I'm doing when in all actuality I should really be saying "I'm different." Now don't get me wrong, I am busy. Busier than I've ever been. But what I really am trying to convey in my passive way is that I am a different person now, a busy person.

I have found myself getting confused lately. In high school I would have described myself as being highly adaptable and great at change. I probably would have said the same in college. But with marriage and moving so many times I have found something that used to be true in my life to be one of my biggest weaknesses: I am terrible with change. I am overly emotional in every way. I get easily stressed out. I quit. I cry. I am no good at it.

It's so interesting to look at yourself a different way. To take something that used to define you and erase it off of your list of qualities. But isn't that so necessary to not get stuck in the past??

We all are going to change. Sometimes it will be marked by a move, job or decision in life. But many times it will be a slow and steady progression. What I'm trying to learn is that it's ok. It's ok that I am a different person now than a few years ago. It's ok that I will be a different person in a few years, or months even. And it's ok that everyone else will be changing as well.

We all will need to adjust with each other. To let the other person be who they are, even if that's different from who they were.

I say all of this because I often have guilt because I've changed. I feel like I need to buffer the "new me" for those who knew the "old me." But that's a lot of effort and it makes me tired. So I decided I need to let it go and just be.

Here are some other ways I notice I've changed:
- Can not tolerate scary movies/shows/stories/anything
- Willing to talk to strangers/converse, even if it's an awkward conversation (to understand you must know every day I have an hour+ lunch, usually with people I've never met before. Let's imagine some scenarios now...)
- Angry driver (usually because I'm ALWAYS late)
- Don't care about eating foods that make me sick anymore. No allure because I know I'll feel sick (ie. milk, yogurt, anything with a sugar base)
- More into clothes/outfits/hair. And occasionally I paint my finger nails- whaaaat!?
- I'm quicker to gossip. Lost a good filter I used to have.
- Much more understanding of different lifestyles. Less judgmental on how people "should" live.
- My favorite ice cream is Caramel Latte (coffee+caramel) from Safeway. Yes, you can bring me a carton. Or four.

With love from Roseville,
Paige

Tribute

My friend Anna wrote the most beautiful tribute to the most beautiful little boy, Darlens, she cared for as her own in Haiti. Darlens recently passed away at the age of 3.

I'm encouraged by her love and faith through this hard time.

"I was lying in bed late at night, with one of the kids in my care sleeping next to me, as his crib and the extra child’s mattress in my room had two kids on IV and oxygen sleeping in them.  I had just come back from preparing a little girl for burial, and wanted to try to sleep for a couple hours.  It’s not often that I find myself getting emotional about sick or dying kids anymore, but this night was overwhelmingly tough.  I found myself closing my eyes trying to hold back the tears, praying that these kids’ suffering would just end.  I felt small hands grab onto my neck and shoulders as a child pulled his body closer to mine.  He put his hands on my cheeks and touched his nose to mine, holding himself there until we dozed off.  This is one of many memories that I have of an amazing little boy named Darlens."

To read the rest click HERE.

With love from Roseville,
Paige 

iSalsa Fiesta!

This is my new favorite recipe. With being busier I don't have as much time to cook. Salsa Fiesta takes a little bit of chopping but makes a huge batch and can be used with chips, in a tortilla, etc. so meals are quicker. And it's all veggies and super healthy.
AND because of the lime the avocado never turns brown. Skeptic? Try it. ;)
Mine stayed good for a week.

You can use any combination of ingredients.... here's what I used & would recommend:

1 can black beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can corn
1/2 bunch cilantro, chopped
1 avocado, chopped
1 red pepper chopped
1 yellow pepper chopped
1/2 large red onion
1 jalepeno peppers chopped
splash of olive oil
lime to taste (use enough to coat & preserve the avocado, approx 4 tbsp)
3 cloves garlic minced
any salt, pepper to taste

With love from Roseville,

Paige

Learning

I've been learning so much lately! 

November brought a new (old) city. 

February brought a new house. 

April brought a new job. 

May brought a new pup.

In my mind I have boxes I check every day. 

Work. Family. Friends. Luna. Exercise. Jeremy. Cleaning. Jesus.

I used to be able to check my boxes every day. Now that life is more complex and I have the same amount of time but more boxes, I started getting overwhelmed constantly. 

Every day I felt like I was failing at something. Doing great in work- failing at cleaning. Doing great at cleaning- didn't talk to any friends or family. 

I never had enough time or energy in the day to complete all my boxes. And on the rare chance I did, I was completely exhausted. 

I realized this was a terrible perspective and decided I needed a new one. I had no idea how to do this and it took a while to figure it out.

I decided the best plan would be to scratch the boxes all together and just focus on Jesus. (Isn't that always the answer yet it's so hard to figure out???) How am I treating people like Jesus would at work? With my family? With my friends? With Jeremy? 

My house isn't super clean. And I exercise semi-regularly. And that's ok.

I'm actually learning that's great. And necessary. 

So that's what's new with me lately. And it feels good. :) 

With love from Roseville,

Paige