Hide 'n' Seek = Hide 'n' Freak

Right now I'm in our Panera hanging out with Jeremy.

He's working his butt off, scribbling and typing and searching while probably knowing all the while I'm inevitably on the other side of the computer screen clicking around on Facebook, wedding websites (I'm still obsessed) or posting yet another blog post.

Yup, here I am. :)

I don't come with anything to convince you of today. Sigh of relief?

Or a really funny story. Sigh of sadness?

Just compelled by the feeling right now to chronicle a happy, simple moment. Of looking at my handsome man in his periwinkle blue scrubs, listening to old people talking around me, making awkward eye contact with that guy... (oops) and mustering up the focus to get back to searching online for job openings.

If no one has mentioned to you or not, marriage is hard. Now I don't think my marriage is particularly harder than any others and this isn't a 911 call. But you get two people with a forever bond, bills, life decisions, shopping habits and TV show options and you are bound to create a sort of chaos at times.

Not to mention sleeping within 1 foot of each other. I'm still surprised this is a normal trend. Why did no one suggest the king sized bed?! All you veteran married people, I blame you a little for our queen purchase!

Anyways, I was reading "Bittersweet" by, you guessed it, Shauna Niequest the other day and she has an ode to brides. Wow, it was GOOD! One of those things that before marriage I would have read it and moved on. But now that I'm in marriage I understand why she wrote it and how rich those words are.

One of my favorite parts of the chapter, besides "Don't listen to everyone's advice, even mine" (so necessary), was the part about the first 6 months of marriage you'll be wanting your spouse to ask you for their forgiveness and the second 6 months you'll be asking them for forgiveness.

How true is this?! Sending a big HOLLER to the 4 of you I know that are in year 1 still.

I've often felt a little crazy these last few months and I've realized one of my key reasons: I can't hide.

I can't hide when I'm emotional because, guess what, he lives here too.

I can't hide when I make an awful meal because, guess what, he eats it too.

I can't hide when I am jealous of a friend because, guess what, he can tell!

I can't hide when I am being crazy because, guess what, he's not an idiot.

Errr... can someone say perfectionist?

So much of this reminds me of my relationship with the Lord. How I try to fix everything I have going wrong before I come to him, forgetting that I can't hide.

That he doesn't want perfect me. He wants me, who is imperfect.

And I usually find where I grow the most in both relationships is when I work out my mess with the other person by my side, helping me see clarity where I see mud, and practicing grace and forgiveness with one big broken me.

So that's that, folks. Hide 'n' Seak turns into Hide 'n' Freak.

[Insert the "Let go and let God" corny but true phrase here]

With love from Panera,

Paige

Hi, I'm Paige, and I eat fat.

(sorry my blog format is off. I can't fix the double spaced.)

Something that's been swirling around my mind lately is scared of fat we are.

And I would say "America" but it goes way past this country.

It's our world culture where thin is in and anything but abs is not just out, but shameful.

When I was at my heaviest I remedied the situation by switching to diet foods.

You know, rice puffs, tasteless cereals, diet sodas, fake peanut butter, low cal cheese, individual sized frozen meals, spray butter, zero cal chips...

Now, I'm not anti-diet food per se. Or anti-diet.

Or anti-doing-what-you-need-to-do-to-stay-healthy.

(Key word: healthy)

What I see is that food is no longer nutrients and fuel for our beautiful bodies.

It no longer is a time of celebration around a table, but has been dissected into calorie counting and portioned out into plastic baggies and taking off the buns for -100 calories.

And it makes sense why. Look at the obesity rate. We are obsessed with food. We like free soda refills and all-you-can-eat and Cheesecake Factory portions to make our money's worth. We have to be full to the max.

I wish we could all see food as our friend, rather than our enemy.

I wish the words "Butter" and "Sugar" didn't freak the crap out of people.

That we could learn to use moderation, to not stuff or faces and sneak chocolate chips.

Then food wouldn't be so freaky. Such an enemy.

So today I bought butter. Actual fatty, yummy butter.

And I'm using it sparingly so I don't die of a heart attack at 21.

But I'm using it.

(By the way, butter is like $4!?)

(By the way, it’s delicious)

I wish we could love our bodies. Work with what we've got.

Get them to their maximum potentials in healthy manners.

Yes, exercise regularly. Yes, eat a million veggies and fruits and proteins.

And not make an excuse for a dang COOKIE that was made with the ridiculously expensive butter.

Just to eat it, enjoy it, and move on.

I wish we could see our bodies as an awesome gift, to take care of and nurture.

And when we looked in the mirror we smiled.

I think one of the first steps to getting our minds healthy is to look at the people around us differently.

To compliment on them on things that don't involve their waist size, such as, "You look great. So healthy and happy."

My friend Elli is the queen at good compliments. If you need one, ask her.

Then, maybe then, we will start seeing ourselves in this same way.

Eating healthy, actual food and being happy.

____

What have been your experiences with diet foods and self-image?

What have been healthy habits you have developed to not be obsessed with just being thin?

Hilarious Memories

As I am searching for a job (or, like today, avoiding searching for a job), I am reminded of my experience doing the same thing 7 months ago.

Living in El Centro was amazing, wonderful, and hilarious.

Here's quite possibly my favorite memory, archived in a previous post, "The Kicker", which happened to be the most popular post of my blogging career.

Man, I hope that doesn't happen again.

But if it does I promise I'll write about it again.

With love from Pleasanton,

Paige

P.S. the answer to the Poll question was: I've lived in 4 cities! Sacramento, LA (Azusa/San Dimas), El Centro, Pleasanton... and coming soon: San Jose.

Pleasanton Home

It feels a little odd to me to post pictures of our apartment when we will probably be moving in the next few months, but I so enjoy seeing other people's homes I figured I'd post my own.

Something about having a mental picture where someone spends their day makes me feel like I'm not so far away from them. So maybe you and I won't feel so far away :)

Giant closet = LOVE!

My favorite place:

And we had some visitors!! My family came down to check out the new pad:

Chet showing off his muscles!

Evie showing off her muscles

Mom showing off her muscles lol!

Group shot! 1/2 silly 1/2 happy

And I had to throw one in of my handsome man off to his first day of work weeks ago!

With love from Pleasanton,

Paige

Twenty Something

In response to "For you, post-grad", my friend Sue recommended a song called "Twenty Something" by Jamie Cullums.

It's jazzy, funny and way too true. Thanks, Sue!

With love from Pleasanton,

This twenty something girl

Sunrise & Lattes

Yesterday Jeremy mentioned he'd like to get up earlier in the mornings to have some coffee, chill and enjoy the morning a little before he heads off to work. It would help him look forward to getting up and get going for the day.

"That sounds like a great idea!" I replied.

And I was really all for the game plan until it also included me getting up too.

See, although his schedule varies, he's generally up at 6am, sometimes earlier.

I don't know if you heard that...

He's generally up at 6am, sometimes earlier.

And although I usually wake up around 7, I most definitely was not planning on changing that. But when your husband also mentions it would include quality time with you and a chance to focus on the Lord together before the day starts, you'd be a fool to say no.

So this morning he was shaving and getting ready while I was in my giant fluffy fleece robe, sweatpants and slippers (not to forget the sloppy bun I'm still sporting) and got the espresso machine going. One Vanilla Americano and one Iced Sugar Free Hazelnut Soy Latte.

As we sat on our porch (I'm in love with this porch) yawned and talked about college and guitars and the art of manipulation, I realized once again what a good man I'm sitting next to.

See, I'm always "suggesting" ways for us to change... my new "suggestions" include how we can do the dishes this way, drive slower, fold towels nicer, eat more veggies, etc. etc. etc.

And he's always such a good sport, listening to the warning of the phrase, "If momma ain't happy, aint nobody happy!"

(And no, we aren't in Saved by the Bell and he doesn't call me "momma." Yuck.)

And I realized if all we did was listen to me and my fabulous ways to change our lives, we'd be at a loss. We'd be very very clean, orderly, vegetable eating people.

We wouldn't be yawning at 6:30am, on our porch, talking about how beautiful the blue sky is (who knew it wasn't dark at 6:30?!) and pretending the sound of cars driving by are the ocean waves.

I'm so thankful I've got this good man who makes really good suggestions and encourages us to live differently. Intentionally.

With love from Pleasanton, bright and early!

Paige

Searcher

Searching for a career-type job in this economy is rough.

I give huge props to the people who have been searching for the past few years with no avail.

The toughest part for me isn't the application process or the literal "searching" part. I don't mind taking on the world wide web and looking in search engines, scouring for a good fit.

It's hard that this whole process is alone, online, quiet... I think my extroversion is going crazy!

And that I'm a very results-oriented person who doesn't like to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

It's also hard to prioritize tasks for the day... when to search, when to make dinner, when to get ready, when to work out, when to make time to talk with friends and family, when to stop "work" for the day. Sometimes it's convenient because I can bounce back and forth. But sometimes I feel a ping pong ball.

I suddenly feel the echos of women saying, "Wait until you have children..." :)

Some things that I'm thankful for in this process:

- Pandora
- Parks & Recreation and Better Off Ted, who, besides Jeremy, are my BFFs and have been making appearances in my dreams lately...
- A dish washer
- My wonderful husband who is soo supportive!
- Espresso maker
- Fab friends who listen well
- My new yellow workout shorts (thanks, Liz :))
- Perfect weather & never shutting my windows

With love from breezy Pleasanton,

Paige